I’ve been watching Project Runway, partly because I guess you could just say I’m just a little gay boy, and partly because Bravo is on my TV and I can’t find my remote. Anyway, Heidi Klum’s speech pattern is amusing. It basically goes like this:
“As…. you… know…. in…. fashion,…… one… day…. you’re…. in………. ANDTHENEXTDAYYOU’REOUT”
I’ve been watching the Denise Richards reality show on E! this morning. Don’t ask me why. I originally thought it was the stupidest idea in the world for a show, which probably increased my curiosity and resulted in me recording the entire season on my DVR.
From the previews, I thought Denise Richards might be mentally retarded. She always has the most clueless look in her eyes, and despite her being a sex symbol, she kind of has an odd placement of her eyes and nose on her face. That and she kind of says everything like it’s a question.
But, I can say from watching the show, the name of the show is quite misleading. It’s, in fact, not that complicated at all. She’s a fucking celebrity… she’s going to get what she wants. ”Oh, I’m so sad, the tabloids wrote something mean about me.” So she calls them up and bitches and guess what, they don’t print the story. Wow! So complicated!
I don’t hate Denise Richards anymore, though. She has a kind of likable quality to her, unlike Dina Lohan which is next on my list of shows to watch. I find the show kind of enjoyable. It’s not something I’m incredibly sucked into watching, like Paranormal State or any show on HBO, but I plan on finishing the rest of the season.
I really hate that stupid Dunkin Donuts commercial where the lady is ordering a “large” coffee, but it’s not called large, it’s called “deici” and the stupid bitch keeps saying “large” and the cashier keeps correcting her.
I get the point, Dunkin Donuts, ok? I get that you guys are so cool because you use regular English and don’t have special names for the sizes of your drinks. That makes me want to buy your coffee, because it’s not the taste that matters, it’s obviously all up to what you say when you’re ordering. God damn, for so long I’ve been struggling to say “Venti” when I go to Starbucks, but finally I can sleep at night knowing that I can just say “large” if I settle for Dunkin Donuts coffee
The stupid bitch in the commercial pisses me off so much. She says “large” and the cashier says “deici” yet the stupid whore keeps repeating “large.” IT’S NOT A FUCKING LARGE YOU STUPID BITCH SO QUIT REPEATING YOURSELF. What a stupid cunt for being so disrespectful to the cashier. Just order your fucking coffee and quit trying to be a bad ass.
I don’t understand why she has to be ignorant. I mean, you don’t go into Burger King and order a “Big Mac” and when the cashier says “Whopper” you don’t keep repeating “Big Mac.” Dumb cunt.
Now, I’m not racist.. BUT.. have you ever noticed that on television, all black people repeat the same thing at least 5 times, regardless of how far the argument or conversation has progressed since they started?
I’m watching Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew… or as I like to call it, the “I’m Daniel Baldwin, pay attention to me” show, and one of the um… “participants” is yelling at Jeff Conway and even though Jeff has continued the conversation, she keeps repeating “I didn’t say that…” over and over. She repeated something else too, but I don’t feel like rewinding and finding out. The point is, she’s repeated the same two sentences over and over, even though they aren’t even in context anymore. That’s so annoying, and only black people do that.
I’m a big fan of reality TV, and so I also watch the show Parking Wars on A&E. On that show, which takes place in Philadelphia, the black people just scream the same point over and over again at the parking enforcement officers. How is that even an effective way of arguing your point?
Let me put this into context. My mother is white, and let’s pretend I’m black. I wanted Cheese Nips but instead she bought animal crackers. This is how the conversation would go:
Me: Can I have some Cheese Nips?
Mom: I only bought animal crackers.
Me: Those aren’t the crackers I told you to buy.
Mom: I know, I’m sorry. They’re still delicious though.
Me: Those aren’t the crackers I told you to buy.
Mom: They are actually more healthy than Cheese Nips, too.
Me: Those aren’t the crackers I told you to buy.
Mom: I can always go back tomorrow and buy you Cheese Nips if you really want them, but why don’t you try these first?
Me: Those aren’t the crackers I told you to buy.
Mom: There is someone behind you with a gun pointed at your head. You better run.
Me: Those aren’t the crackers I told you to buy…
And then I’d be dead. Because I couldn’t fucking participate properly in a conversation. Instead, I had to keep repeating the same thing over and over in anger. In fact, the obituary would say “died of causes related to being an absolute fucking retard.”
Now, it might just be a result of me going tanning, which darkens the color of my skin, but I’m starting to watch MTV again. Not the “music” part of MTV (which ironically stands for music television), but their shows are becoming somewhat appealing to me.
Last night I recorded “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” and watched it this morning. I think Tila Tequila is annoying as annoying can be, at least on her MySpace page, but the show wasn’t horrible. Basically it’s Flavor of Love and I Love New York combined… yes, girls and guys both fight for the bi-sexual’s heart.
As much of a rip-off of the “Flavor of Love” series of shows that it is, it’s kind of understandable because the formula obviously works, and MTV and VH1 are both owned by the same parent network. I found it entertaining that the biggest redneck on the show is an “Elementary Teacher” in West Virginia. I also enjoyed that Tila Tequila is a lot more insulting to the contestants than you’d find on other reality dating competition shows. I watched the season preview at the end of the show, and it looks like a lot of bad ass events like someone going to the hospital, and fighting, and crying will take place. I live for that shit.
Some of my favorite quotes of the first episode are:
“What is penis doing here? Eww… gross.” — angry lesbian
“Who I pissed off in this house?” — angry black man
“I ain’t step aside for anyone” — angry redneck (the Elementary Teacher from West Virginia)
In addition to the Tila Tequila dating mess, I’m also looking forward to the show “Making Menudo” which attempts to re-create the classic boy band. I don’t even know why I’m looking forward to this show. Maybe because I faked sick a lot when I was in elementary school and watched Menudo’s “Behind the Music” like, 450,000 fucking times.
I made the unfortunate error in watching an episode of “The Hills” to see what everyone is talking about, and now I got fucking sucked in to that show. So I’ll be watching that, and the hundred thousand spin-offs with the blonde girls from California who bang random guys and cry about it.
I don’t know. MTV’s lineup of new shows, at least on their evening schedule seems to be shifting away from 10 shows where Nick Cannon screams at the camera in an effort to be funny, and the 999,999,999 shows where people go on a date with 3 people, and then either they or their mom pick a winner. It’s kind of reminiscent of the days when MTV used to be really awesome (Clone High, Sorority Life, Fraternity Life, Undressed, The Real World, Making the Video, TRL before Carson Daly left and became a douche, Say What Karaoke, MTV Cribs, Fear, The Tom Green Show, Ashlee Simpson Show, The Osbournes, The Tom Green Show, Jackass, The Andy Dick Show, Spyder Games, Daria).
Seriously, MTV used to have good shit to watch. But instead of keeping good programming on the air, they find a genre that’s popular and then fucking dominate their entire programming schedule with it. One day someone called MTV and said “Jackass is funny because they break stuff” and then that lit a fire under some executive’s ass and suddenly every MTV show was about breaking shit. It’s hard to entertain and be original when there is not even a slight difference between the shows. Then, after people got sick of seeing Bam Margera’s fucking face EVERY GOD DAMN SECOND ON MTV JESUS CHRIST HE IS ANNOYING they decided to have a million dating shows. The dating shows are so badly scripted they’re not even worth watching. Maybe they should just focus on one dating show and doing it well.
I’m kind of glad MTV is stealing ideas from VH1 now, because I love VH1, and I used to love MTV, and it’d be nice to have a threesome with them someday.
I hate those stupid commercials for the “Are you smarter than a 5th grader?” board game. First off, the commercial starts off by saying “Are you smarter than a 5th grader?” and then the stupid mother turns around with some dumb ass look on her face and goes “I’m not smarter than a fifth grader.” Well, why the fuck would you tell someone that? Why would you brag about being that stupid.
Then, the fuckin’ fat ass dad is laughing because his family is so stupid. Finally, the daughter goes “Ok, Dad, fourth grade math” and the dad gets all scared because oh, he knows he’s fat and stupid. But the way the daughter says it.. with that cocky bitch tone in her voice… oh my god, if she was my kid, i’d slap that cunt across the face if she ever talked to me like that.
The point is, this commercial is way too annoying and who the hell plays games as a family anyway? I mean, sure, we play “How drunk can Dad get before 9:00″ but that’s a different story.
