Chinese Shotgun

Analysis of targeted Facebook ads…

Steve Kudelko — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:57:55 +0000

Um… hot Christian girls are attracted to people who code in open source, but not hairy people who code in open source, and since open source software is usually free, open source coders can’t necessarily afford $5,000 worth of laser hair removal treatments. Also, since anyone interested in open source is 99.9% likely to not be sexually active, Christian girls who aren’t going to jump all over your dick is the way to go.

Ricky is a dick…

Steve Kudelko — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 05:40:52 +0000

Never again will I think that it is funny to moon my friend when he is using Photo Booth from a remote computer, and then leave my laptop unattended next to him while I use the bathroom.

Thank fucking God!

Steve Kudelko — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:18 +0000

It’s a damn shame, though. I mean, the world needs more rocket scientists and mathematicians.

Happy Gilmore Golfing

Steve Kudelko — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 04:49:48 +0000

Saturday morning Ricky, Matt, George and I went golfing. After about 6 holes, we decided we didn’t fucking care anymore and decided to try random new things. One of those was to golf like Happy Gilmore would have done. Um… Happy Gilmore was much better than us.

Jesus >= honey crisp apples

Steve Kudelko — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 03:04:38 +0000

Alright. I get really creeped out by the whole “Jesus is so awesome and I felt him touch me yesterday” hippie movement. Honestly. It’s just weird. I understand people who are passionate about their religion, but there is something creepy about the whole thing.

I especially hate getting raped by religion every time I sign into Facebook. Take this for example:

I’m not going to bitch and say “why would you set this as your Facebook status” considering that I, myself, am guilty of pointless updates about how much I love my puppy, or how I love my girlfriend, or how every time I drink Vanilla Coke I ejaculate in my pants. I just find it funny that people who say “I love Jesus OMFG” seem to spread their love around like a joint at an indie rock festival.

Example:

Take a trip to McDonaldLand

Steve Kudelko — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:34:48 +0000

I guess McDonalds has always tried to appeal to black people.

I mean, look at Ronald McDonald’s afro.

Um… AIM isn’t Facebook, ok?

Steve Kudelko — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:59:27 +0000

I wonder if this is someone who would fuck up the mandatory “is” on Facebook normally.

Fuck McDonalds

Steve Kudelko — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 23:39:29 +0000

It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me that I really hate McDonalds’ marketing department. But today I bought a Big Mac and on the box, without mentioning the quality food (i’m sure) they use in their products, it says “That’s what we’re made of (TM)…. learn more at mcdonalds.com/qualityfood.” First of all, their slogans and boxes and stuff are fucking retarded.

What’s even more ridiculous is that they fucking trademarked “That’s what we’re made of.” That kind of pisses me off, because if anyone ever asks “What’s so great about 55% to 78% water?” you will never be able to answer that question without having to pay McDonalds royalties.

But then again, what do I know? I just had 1040mg of sodium.

Laura thinks highly of her school

Steve Kudelko — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:11:10 +0000

It’s nice to see college students have school spirit like this. It just makes me wonder how the alumni recruitment process is going to go when she’s been out for a few years.

For the record, despite what you think, I’m the dog, not the pretty pink flower.

You just can’t meet my expectations

Steve Kudelko — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:17:19 +0000

I enjoy it so much when people advertise in their AIM profiles or on their Facebook/MySpace pages about how fucking smart they are, and then they just make complete asses out of themselves.

For example:

Now, I know it’s just a simple grammar / spelling mistake, but whatever. Fuck you. If you’re going to claim that you’re a genius, live up to it. Otherwise, quit being an asshole.

I actually like the kid who put this on his Facebook page, but it just brought back memories of all those stupid people I’ve known and hated who did the same exact thing.