Seriously, what is this about? Why do communities advertise that Santa visits them. Doesn’t Santa visit everywhere on Earth (except Israel, obviously)? What makes West Middlesex so fucking special? Except for the fact that they clearly alienate Jewish people. And that they’re above Biblical law because they don’t wait until December 25 like everyone else. I can see the flyers the tourism board will put out now. “Move to West Middlesex, if you can’t wait two extra days for Christmas.”
Today, I was too emo to handle. When I realized I needed to try to get my mind off of things, I set out on a relaxing walk, iPod in hand, Death Cab for Cutie in my ears, digital camera hanging around my neck.
As I walked, I thought about love and loss, friends and enemies, my future home on a beach in North Carolina, and a bloody redneck penis. Wait, what?
I never understood the point to graffiti. I mean, it’s one thing when you write “blows” underneath the Verizon logo on a billboard (because Verizon, in fact, blows like your Catholic best friend who didn’t make the cheerleading squad), but I never really got why people wrote “PENIS” on the side of softball dugouts, or “FAG” on the back window of my car. Although the concept of graffiti I didn’t grasp, the inner impressionable child in me (read: MTV’s wet dream) still thought it was badass. That ended today.
Walking under the I-80 overpass, home to “I love pot” and “FUCK ME” which I remembered so vividly from my childhood, a new batch of graffiti appeared on the concrete pillars. A batch of graffiti so hillbilly-eque that would, if Jeff Foxworth were driving by, cause him to say “Fucking rednecks.”
For your viewing pleasure:
There are no social movements in this town. You can tax us to death, you can run our school system into the ground, but God damn it don’t you mess with our pickup trucks.
The only thing I really could come up with for the last batch of pictures was that Tim Hoffman loves to masturbate, then have a bloody sperm swim back into his penis, and then unload that all over himself.
